In the beginning she didn’t know how to start, what to say, what to write, which story to tell. In the beginning there was snow and deep sadness. Because it felt like the beginning of the end. So much sadness.

There was black coffee and stilted prayers and two dogs just sleeping. She was alone and lonely, feeling sad and anxious.

In the beginning she was so tired, so emotionally exhausted. She’d rather be back in bed. Can’t wait for bedtime to come.

She thought of the beginning of motherhood. That journey of loving and giving. The birth, so long and drawn out; so all-encompassing. So so hard. It was a difficult beginning to the most beautiful thing- motherhood.

Even the tearing served as preparation. She didn’t know then but now it seems so clear, so true. That tearing and this. This time of pain and soul-bleeding.

Yes, it was the beginning of a beautiful journey leading right up to this excruciating pain.

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