a deficiency
a longing roars cyclone-like
gaping within me
by 
And Now
the distraction
of vacation
begins to fade and
I am
once again wrapped
in the trappings
of my sorrow.
What
to look forward to?
What
to live for?
Husband , sons,
people who care for me-
yet
it is so hard to grasp,
this motivation
to go on.
I don’t want to but I must
I must.
The feeling that
I no longer
belong
that I don’t
fit
permeates me.
I am forever
changed.
I am as different
from my former self as
day is
from night.
I am a balloon with
no air
no way
to stay aloft.
So empty.
by She Should Be Here
She should be here.
She should be sitting on the loveseat, drinking a cup of Good Earth tea.
She should be here.
She should be traveling, seeing new things, meeting new people.
She should be here,
loving and being loved by her partner, starting a family.
She should be here,
working, doing what she loves.
She should be here,
listening to music while taking her shower.
She should be here,
watching our favorite shows, watching sports, cheering for her favorite teams.
She should be here,
taking walks along the river, in the woods, on the beach; watching the sunset.
She should be here,
going out to eat, dancing with friends.
She should be here,
swinging on the porch swing, having deep and intimate conversations.
She should be here,
being the best sister ever to her brothers.
She should be here,
singing songs from Disney movies, quoting The Princess Bride.
She should be here,
losing at poker, giving it all away with the look on her face.
She should be here,
lighting up my world, loving life.
She’s gone but (and I’m screaming now)
She should be here.
by Gone
a certain light no longer seen
a certain laugh not heard
where have you gone?
this missing you
has left me
blind and deaf to joy
by I didn’t want it to be summer
when she died
I didn’t want the sun to shine.
I needed clouds
and dark
and rain.
Now that winter is here
I long for the sun
I yearn for warmth
for green earth
for blue sky-
Yet winter grieves with me
and within me.
by